I thought I'd go down to a little whorehouse
On the other side of town
My spirits were low, and my passion was high
I needed a trick to lay down

The music was loud, and so was the crowd
And dense smoke filled the place
I called for a beer to build up some cheer
And you'll never believe what I faced!

There were asses and balls, with grunts and catcalls
Comin' from every direction
With all of the yellin', I started swellin'
And got myself an erection

Now, I'd gone in there for some pussy
But all of the pussy was took
And everybody was fuckin'
And I had to sit there and look!

Everybody was...fuckin' but me!
Everybody was...havin' some fun! (CHORUS)
There I sat in misery
Because, everybody was...fuckin' but me!

The bartender was screwin' the barmaid
Keepin' time with the music machine
And old Charley Brown had Sally Lou down
In a position that I'd never seen

And little 'Grunt-The Runt' was doing his thing
With big, fat Fannie Mae
And even Reverend Bob was doing a job
On a sweet little bitch named Kay!

And old 'Hook-The Crook' was layin' a gal
On a table made for pool
It damn near scared me half to death when I...
Got a look at his tool!

They were playin' a game called "Tiger!"
Man, that game was neat!
He'd moan, and howl...and she'd fart, and growl
And then he'd throw her the meat!

REPEAT CHORUS

Now, all at once I heard a scream
And you won't believe what I found!
Old 'Dangerous Dan' had shot his load
And the doggone bed broke down!

And I gazed a little further
And saw...to my surprise
The Chief of Police...was gettin' a piece
Right before my very eyes!

Now, I wanted a piece of pussy so bad
I was about to go berserk!
I saw asses humpin', and asses pumpin'
And my nuts started to hurt!

My hormones were havin' a spasm
There was fire burnin' in my crotch
Everybody was having orgasms
And all I could do was watch!

REPEAT CHORUS

Now I've told my story
And brother...it's no lie!
I'll never go back to that fuckin' place!
And here's the reason why!

REPEAT CHORUS

(Grumbling disgustedly to himself.)
Man, nobody paid any attention to me! They was all hooked up...and hung
up...and there I sat!...with a hard-on!...I mean, brother...a bona-fide
gut-wrencher!...all four inches of that sucker stickin' straight up!...so
hard a cat couldn't scratch it!...I felt like a one-legged man in an
ass-kickin' contest!...I reckon I could....(trails off.)


The End.